those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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