He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
