I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
