My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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