we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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