Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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