Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
