I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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