My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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