Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
