Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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