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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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