Kiss
Puke
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
