margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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