i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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