Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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