Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
