if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
