i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
