sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
