When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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