Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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