Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
