i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
