The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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