I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
