Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
