I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
