he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
