I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
