WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Houston, we have a blender
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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