wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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