i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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