...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
