i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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