Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
