she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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