His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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