I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
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I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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