if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
