You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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