one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
