Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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