Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
