He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
