I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize