Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
