i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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