So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
