you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
