I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
