I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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