if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
