I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Shame - the story of my life.
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