I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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