There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I didn't notice because vodka
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
