I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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