Your tits are I can't wait for
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
