dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
