nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
