I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
