she looked like the before picture.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
