The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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