I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
