Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
