I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
