His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
