Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
