in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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