I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
