we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
