Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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