I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
