I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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