do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
