im holly from the hills drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
