If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize